you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
