Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
