Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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