in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
why is half of my head shaved?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
