I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
