Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
