I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
