You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
