farters have to be the big spoon...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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