I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
