Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
