is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
