Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He shit in the fireplace
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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