So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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