my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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