I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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