I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
