if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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