I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
