Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
