Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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