there's paper in my vomit.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
