You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
