his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
