I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
