His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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