I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
