let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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