I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
