I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
