He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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