god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You took a bar mat shot.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
