I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
