Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
