i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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