I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
