jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
