I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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