A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
