Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
