you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
