I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
