i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
