He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
