But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
