All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
