just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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