I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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