he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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