I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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